I am pretty upset with myself for not standing up for myself at an audition today. Things were already a little strange when I started filling out my details on the form I was given. I had not filled in my home phone number and but was asked if I had one. I mentioned that I did but that it would be best to contact me on my cellphone. Nonetheless, the guy insisted that I gave my number anyway and so, not wanting to be difficult, I gave it to him. The other thing that bothered me was having to put my age down on paper. I know for a fact that in the US, it's wrong to ask for an actor's age. They should cast purely based on what they see. I told myself, this was Singapore and things weren't going to change for a long time more. Anyway, it was all petty stuff.

Then the real deal came. I had on minimal make-up like I normally have on for any TV or film audition. I'm also rather fair so the slight bronzer I had applied onto my face was just to make me look like I hadn't just seen a ghost. I walked into the studio and even thought to myself, "Thank goodness I have SOME make-up. These lights are awfully bright". But because they were so bright and because I had just applied some lip balm, the casting director caught a glint of it and asked if I had make-up on. I said I had some. Then, she told me that this was TV and not stage and asked me to remove it with a wet wipe. I took some facial tissue and wiped it across my face and also took out the lip balm but she still insisted I use a wet wipe.

So I used one and it left my face a little shiny. By this time, the mosquito bite that I had from the morning was glowing bright red without any concealer left over it. She also asked me to restyle my hair for her. I did everything she requested for feeling rather raped and quite ugly by the end of it. How was I supposed to get the job now anyway? "Now your face is too shiny, can you blot it with this?", she quipped and offered me slightly powdered facial blotters. That's why I HAD some make-up on in the first place you dope! To keep it matt! I couldn't help but wonder why she had a stash of wet wipes and facial blotters in her studio in any case. I might as well have auditioned for Rudolph the Red Mosquito Bitten Snowman because there was no way I looked like a music student by the end of it.

For someone who is apprehensive about change, it happens to me a lot. After just leaving the regimented life of "Beauty World", I leave the country a few days after the show is done. As if the life of an actor isn't enough, I now juggle my time between two countries!

However, I like being in the US. For some strange reason, so far, I am motivated here. I like the clarity of mind I have to make plans.

The short-lived nature of things also makes me appreciate everything so much more. Perhaps it is the fear of boredom that has kept me where I am now. Everywhere.

So if life ever gets too comfortable, unchallenging or worse yet, boring, then may I suggest setting aside your fears of change in exchange for the life of... "a box of chocolate". Because it should be that way. You should "never know what you're gonna get". Just my bit of philosophy for the day.

One of the wonderful things about watching the movie Thoroughly Modern Millie again, after learning the musical, is realizing how great a job the writers of the musical have done in keeping the spirit of the original, yet adding delightful things to it. I recently watched the movie with some of the cast members I worked with and we exclaimed excitedly whenever we recognised lines that were also in the musical.

Instead of using many of the standards from the movie, only three songs were kept. "Thoroughly Modern Millie", "Ah Sweet Mystery" and "Jimmy". The rest of the songs are written to suit the time and style, but not only that, they are brilliant pieces of original work. It's one of those cast recordings I enjoy every single song from.

To get to the meat of the matter, let's discuss Carol Channing. Piece of work! Megan Thomas who played Mrs Meers in the production I was in, had worked with her before and would impersonate her for our enjoyment. What's interesting is how in one scene, Carol would by flying past Millie on a plane and yelling in her characteristically Carol Channing voice the word "Raspberries". A lot of us puzzled over what it meant and dismissed it as something Carol came up with.

But this is what Carol says in a clip on YouTube. It was in the script! What I think, is that it was a direction to blow raspberries at Millie. But she didn't realise what it meant and said it instead. And no one dared to correct her because she was Carol Channing. And it was funny that way! Click here to find out more about the origins of blowing a raspberry.

For various reasons, I needed to change my address with the credit card company, in this case, the bank. Here is a thoroughly exciting conversation on the phone which took place.

Dwayne: I'd like to change my address with the credit card.
Operator: Can you give me the new address to forward your card to?
Dwayne: I need a new card?
Operator: Yes Sir.
Dwayne: Erm.. well, I'm on tour now so that's going to be tricky.
Operator: I won't take long.
Dwayne: You don't understand, I don't have a permanent address now.
Operator: You'll get the new card in two days!
Dwayne: No, no. I need the address changed to my card immediately.
Operator: Okay.
Dwayne:  I've done it before. Can't I just change the address?
Operator: Yes Sir.
Dwayne: I can?
Operator: Yes Sir.
Dwayne: Well, why didn't you tell me that in the first place?!
Operator: (silence)
Dwayne: Here it is.. (blah blah blah), hex 19
Operator: Hex?
Dwayne: Sorry I'm from another part of the world. Pound 19. That's the apartment number.
Operator: Pound?
Dwayne: You know.. not the star sign or asterix, but the pound.
Operator: You've lost me sir.
Dwayne: You know, what you draw when you play tic-tac-toe.
Operator: I completely don't understand you Sir.
Dwayne: Your phone! Look at your dial. It's the sign next to the zero. On the right?
Operator: (long pause) I see. I understand now.

This entry kinda picks up where the previous one left off. I have just finished reading the book "Making It On Broadway" by Jodie Langel and David Wienir. It's one of the most honest and in-depth things I've read about the careers of actors in theatre. I highly recommend it, not just to actors but to the theatre going audiences, relatives and partners of actors. The book talks about theatre culture backstage, the casting process, the highs and lows of the job and everything else inbetween. No book could have summed it up better or I would have written one myself. 

Whether they realise it or not, actors struggle a lot in their careers. And many who decide to choose this path are usually not entirely certain of what it entails until they try it out for themselves. There is a lot of research and work to be done in order to prepare for auditions. Rejection is part of the process. Also, booking a Broadway show doesn't guarantee future success. Many actors never return to Broadway again. They move into bigger appartments and adopt a more expensive lifestyle to find that once the show closes, they have to readjust back to life before.

Nothing should be taken for granted. The public sees acting as a glamourous job. If there is glamour at all, most times, once the job is over, a lot of the attention stops anyway. Personally, I find myself in a very unique and strange reality. One time, I wanted to get tickets for some friends to come watch a musical I was in. I still ended up having to call the ticketing hotline myself and I was put on hold for a very long time. No star treatment. In fact, while on hold, I heard my own voice singing from the musical's cast recording. "That's me! That's me!" I said aloud. But there was no one to share the experience with. I constantly find myself in situations like this. I also find it interestingly strange that sometimes I find out what's happening in my friends' lives from reading magazines, newspaper articles or watching tv, instead of getting updates directly from them.

No, I'm not talking about Paris Hilton. I'm just talking about celebrities in general. I think we all fail to realise sometimes how much privacy they have to give up (hence the caged feeling). I'm currently on tour with the children's book series, Junie B. Jones and in some ways, we are like mini-celebrities. The good end of this deal is that, when the tour is over, I get to be my normal self once again, because I'm only playing a character.

How would you feel if every day on the road, everyone seems to want a piece of you and then sometimes even fights over it. Ugly right? Having said that, there are nice respectful people out there too. Nonetheless, I had to learn that people weren't going to change and that I had to change the way I was thinking so that I wouldn't get as irritated or frustrated when I started to feel bugged. And there are many reasons for feeling that way, like getting followed or getting noticed and called out, getting asked the same questions over and over, things like that. A lesson I was happy to learn.

I saw a program on ABC entitled "Luck - It's More Than Chance" and I actually believe it seemed that way, from the way it was explained. Lucky people actually create their own luck. There was an experiment done with people who claimed to be either lucky or unlucky. A 20 dollar bill was placed on the pavement they had to walk along. The lucky people tended to notice the bill. They said that lucky people tend to be more open people. They also attract people to them naturally. This explains why lucky people create more opportunities for themselves. It's good to know that we do have some control over our luck isn't it?

I'm having a great restful weekend. Being out of a major city like New York or even Singapore gives you a certain peace. And goodness knows, I needed some peace after moving out and saying goodbye and all.

The tour I'm on has taken me to Philadelphia and Pittsburgh so far. Less people, smaller buildings but still with your favourite amenities like cinemas, hotels, shopping, theatre and restaurants. Did I also mentioned drinks are cheaper?!

Still, it's easy to get idle because you are away from friends  and a regimental city life. I've been spending time watching movies, reading books, surfing the internet... basically all things good for reinventing and refreshing the soul.

As always, you are welcome to check out my Friendster and Myspace blogs which feature pictures and reviews and all things funny. Have a good week ahead.

You know how a tiger rips his prey to shreds to eat it? If you don't, just look around you a bit more. People are no different. 

Why don't you just go ahead and light that cigarette? Don't worry about all the passive smokers you've made out of everyone walking behind you. Never mind that persons with asthma can experience attacks brought on by passive smoking. Never mind that passive smoking is estimated to kill 53,000 nonsmokers per year, making it the 3rd leading cause of preventable death in the U.S. The preventable part is becoming more and more questionable.

Have you become so oblivious that you don't realise that everyone else on the bus or train has to stop everything that they're doing because they can't help but listen to your obnoxiously loud conversation on the phone?

Let's just say, I could go on for a millennium. In fact, there's a book that sums it all up; "Talk to the Hand: The Utter Bloody Rudeness of the World Today, or Six Good Reasons to Stay Home and Bolt the Door".

Back to our tiger. Does the tiger's prey have a right to defend itself? I say yes. So what's to stop me from defending myself with a fight that's as vicious as the tiger's, when I do get violated? The fact that YOU can do better. Come on people, I'm treading a very thin line and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

When I left Singapore to come to New York, I had not really thought about my life very much. I was in my own world. I had nothing to compare my life to. I never had to live alone. Sure, I had problems but they were manageable and somewhat standard. Life was relatively undramatic. I must have thought it would be the same anywhere else.

When I left Singapore to come to New York, it was simply a matter of "Would I be okay to spend time away from my family and friends?" and "Would I be willing to give up all my savings for the experience and training?" And with some deliberation, the answers were, "Yes!"

When I left Singapore to come to New York, it was like an adventure. There were some obstacles. I had to experience snow for the first time, hunt for apartments, move several times, pay rent, figure out the crazy subway, audition like mad, get through all my classes at school, visit other states nearby, etc.

I can't imagine what life would be like had I chose to stay in Singapore. I feel I've been opened up to so many things now. You can't be in a city like New York and not be able to stand up for yourself and make things work for you. It's tiring, but it has built my character. And I feel more ready now. For myself, for life, for things to come. But I also feel tired. Tired of inconsistancy in my life. Of constantly figuring things out and making ends meet.

Yet, I know I've chosen this and want to see it through. At this point, I booked a show that's going on tour around different States in the US. What fun it would be visiting different places before my work visa expires in July. What a great close to the year that I get to work. It would be so easy if I knew I was going back to Singapore for sure after all this and have my life somewhat return to normal again. But no.

I've decided to apply for another visa to allow me to stay and work in the US when there's work. More complications, more blows to the pocket, more frustrations, etc. But it's all for a better tomorrow. It's what I've chosen. I like to earn the fruits of my labour. And I get bored if life isn't a challenge. So before I live out of my suitcase again on tour, here's to working at Mary Poppins merchandise and Cater Waitering. It's been such an adventure and eye opener. And I've learnt so much. I will miss the times dearly. But I'm not staying because I will get idle.